loveIn Part 1 and Part 2 you got to find out about my past failed relationships and get my back story. In Part 3 I’m going to try and semi-analyze my past relationships and what went wrong, what could have been done differently, what was the constant. My hopes are that this will somehow help someone out there that may have or is going through similar situations that I’ve gone through in the past.

Let’s start with Terri. Wow. That was a train on a collision course with the side of a big mountain from the get go. To start she lived in Montana. I lived in Illinois. Why the hell was I looking for a girlfriend so far away. Well I wasn’t LOOKING for one that far away it just happened. My second mistake was letting her stay with me for so long. Being around her so much so fast was a mistake. We got on each others nerves fast and grew to despise each other. I loathed anytime I could get away from her towards the end.

Next there was Mary. Mary and I messed up the minute we crossed the friendship territory into relationship girlfriend/boyfriend territory. Now I’m not saying you can’t ever date your best friend. On the contrary. I say that your girlfriend, france, wife, etc. should be your best friend in your life. But the thing is when you cross over from friends to girlfriend/boyfriend you risk losing that friend if the relationship doesn’t work out. Tha’ts what happened with Mary and me. After we split we stopped speaking to each other.

After Mary I decided to date Jessie. What was wrong there? Well she was the an ex-girlfriend’s best friend. Biggest mistake you can ever make is dating the best friend of an ex. There’s just no logical reasoning to confirm doing this. Of course I didn’t see that. Why would I? I’d been on a roll of bad relationships so far so making a sound decision was a moot point for me by this time. See one thing I failed to mention is that when Jessie called me to tell me she was sorry about the split between Mary and me she said the words “whatever you need Harold just ask me” and that was a mistake. That turned into sex and then dating. Hey come on now. She said “anything” and I clarified that sex fell into the anything category so don’t be giving me the stink eye sitting there reading this. I was following the rules….I think. So yeah Jessie and I were doomed from the get go. Sex THEN dating. Doesn’t usually work out when its that way. Plus she had a kid with a total psycho (just never to me) that couldn’t seem to let her go. I should have run away but I was stupid and hell I won’t lie the sex was good. I didn’t want to give it up that easily. Ultimately it was what I knew would happen all along that ended things. Her going back to her ex. But I was just stupid and hoped it wouldn’t happen.

I moved to Iowa and took time off from “dating” anyone seriously. I had girls that I hung out with and other “stuff” but nothing serious that I’d call a girlfriend. That was fun for a while but I started to miss having someone steady around. I don’t remember how Mary and I got in touch after I moved to Iowa but we did and as you know started dating again. It too was doomed from the get go. I still held a buried resentment for her leaving me for another guy, but as usual I was stupid and ignored my gut feelings. I mean I asked her to marry me. DUH! And as my gut had told me things went back to the way they were towards the end of our first relationship with her constantly complaining and blaming everything on me. That’s why I ended it.

After Mary 2.0 I took yet another break and then I met Cathy. She was great. Sweet. Caring. Nice. I thought this was it. I found someone who is perfect for me. Yeah she had a kid but her daughter liked me. We all got along. Well except for her neurotic and mentally disturbed cat HAHA! But the whole psycho ex thing popped it’s head up and this time it was directed towards me. Now I think I can proudly say I wasn’t stupid this time and I knew when to get out. I wasn’t going to risk injury to myself with this guy. Wasn’t worth the possible risk.

So that moves us my most recent relationship that failed. Angie. Wow. Where do I begin. Well as with Jessie we started off with the sex and THEN dating. But unlike Jessie she wasn’t the best friend of an ex so my brain said it was ok and not to worry. I’ll be honest, and she knows this herself, I never intended to have more with her than a sexual relationship when I came over to meet her the very first time. Don’t ask me how but it just felt comfortable and I stayed the night and then the next night and so on. I just felt close to her. I’d never done this with any of the other girls I’d “hung out” with in the past that I wasn’t dating. It was a new thing for me, but it felt right. This was my mistake and trust me I’ve learned from it. I don’t regret anything I’ve ever done in my life though and this relationship I don’t regret. We shouldn’t have gotten married though that’s for sure. And I should have ended the marriage back in February 2008 when I was sitting in the car in the driveway with a bag packed, but like I fool I let her crying and pleading to stay draw me back in. I know her “true” reason now for wanting me to stay at that time. She’ll never admit it, but I’m not a fool and I know why.love4

So after realizing what all I’ve done wrong in everyone of my failed relationships I have to ask the question “What is the constant in every failed relationship?” Well to answer that I refer to something a fellow blogger told me. He told me that I was the constant. In every single failed relationship the one common denominator is ME. Now what does that mean? It means I was causing these relationships to fail. That’s not saying I was doing anything wrong, at least not on purpose. What it means is I kept getting too close too fast or giving too much of myself too much and too fast. WHen that happens you open yourself up for a broken heart or getting used and/or trampled on. That’s happened to me every time. I’ve gotten my heart broken more than once. I’ve gotten used and trampled on almost every time as well. Now I won’t get all psychological on ya, but I think a another reason that I’ve had so many problems with relationships was due to my mother leaving when I was only 9 years old. Now she didn’t just up and disappear. Her and my dad got divorced and she decided the best thing was for me to stay with my dad as she had no idea where she’d be living, etc. He had a steady job, a place to live, etc. I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same thing if I were in her shoes. She now regrets that decision though and thinks that her leaving had a lot to do with me always needing someone around that was a female. Granted I had a step-mom (who is a GREAT GREAT woman) around most of my life after my mom left, but sub-consciously I think I am always looking for that “motherly” aspect in women. Someone to take care of me and treat me good and love me unconditionally. Hopefully all of this makes sense. It does to me so I guess that’s what matters most right? It’s no different than when a girl has what they call “daddy complex” where she’s dating or sleeping with lots of different guys. She’s trying to fill a void her mind had created when her dad left her life.

So there you go. This ends the Confessions of the Safe Guy series. Hopefully it has helped you get a better look at my life on a personal level. I originally started this series in the hopes of writing it to help others but it just turned out differently. I still feel that it can help some guys and even girls possibly realize what NOT to do at least when it comes to a relationship. Let me just end by saying don’t give your all in a relationship and not get anything in return. It MUST be an equal partnership for it to work and you both need to know each other. Know each others dislikes, similarities, etc. It’s good and perfectly fine to have stuff in common, but also have things that you differ on. It’s actually not good, at least in my opinion, to have everything in common. Especially if you are both stubborn and hard headed. Just ask my ex-wife about that one.